Aerial Sunday-Cardinal

“Indian Lovin’” is humorous jargon. Satirical in nature, the term reflects on the normalization of abuse, or an unhealthy relationship, between an Indigenous couple. It was a term I learnt from my mother. She would use it whenever I would complain that her jabs were too hard when we would play-fight. She would playfully respond with: “That’s just Indian lovin’”.

Inspired by my personal experiences with toxic relationships, as well as my desire to heal the wounded parts of myself in order to choose a healthy relationship, I created this piece to continue the conversation on Indian Lovin’. Due to a wildly unfortunate, unfair and violent past and the ongoing events in Canada and within our communities, many Indigenous peoples are working through trauma - so what does that mean for the romantic relationships we involve ourselves in? I came across the podcast 2 Crees in a Pod, where the hosts, local to my area, had the very same question and dove deep into the topic. I paired selected audio from the podcasts with videos I had taken this past winter to bring into conversation Indigenous trauma and breaking generational cycles of unhealthy relationships through ways of: healing, releasing self-sabotage, creating healthy boundaries, taking responsibility for the self, becoming a whole person, using discernment and the power of choice.

The speakers touch on important topics and reflect on the many areas of growth that can be necessary when in a romantic relationship. Since I am of a younger generation and have yet to experience marriage and parenthood, the audio I selected was edited to draw upon my personal reflections and experiences. The episodes I took audio from are: Indigenous Love with Amber Dion and Terri Suntjens, and Sakihitowin with Marissa and Patrick Mitsuing.

A short story

Note: *In my area, we are Nehiyawak. Only in English are we known as “Cree peoples”. The English terminology separates us from the true meaning of who we are. Nehiyawak roughly translates to four-bodied peoples. It ties us to our fundamental beliefs that we are made up of four bodies: mind, (physical) body, spirit and emotions. This in turn ties us to our medicine wheel and its attached teachings, laws, and stories.

I fell in love. Over and over again, I fell in love with those who I knew would turn into porcupines.

         I continued to stay with them, in hopes that I could change them back to… themselves.

…Always unsure if what approaches them is a threat, their automatic response would be to defend, survive, and shoot their quills. 

                             None of them were born this way. They were born beautiful, soft, loving and warm, with full intention of remaining in their birthed form:

*a being with four bodies.

The porcupine-ism is an illness, a genetic illness, passed on by the older generations who have, bless their hearts and souls, gained this defect by suffering an inflicted pain only known to the 

four bodied peoples.

Quills pushed against the underside of his skin,
pierced through and emerged. He seethed and shot at me.

Why would you want to harm me? I’ve tried so hard to give you my patience, forgiveness, and kindness… Why can’t you do the same for me? Can’t you see that I’m wounded?

I wasn’t who he needed to forgive.

Why did I stay? I need love. I’m trying to find a family.

This must be love, right? You said you love me.

Why did I leave? I need love. I’m trying to find a family.